[ eBook ] The Gifts of ImperfectionAuthor Brené Brown – Collateralloan.co

New York Times best selling author and professor Bren Brown offers a powerful and inspiring book that explores how to cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to embrace your imperfections and to recognize that you are enoughEach day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we d no longer feel inadequate So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, What if I can t keep all of these balls in the air Why isn t everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations What will people think if I fail or give up When can I stop proving myself In The Gifts of Imperfection, Bren rown, PhD, a leading expert on shame, authenticity and belonging, shares what she s learned from a decade of research on the power of Wholehearted Living a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthinessIn her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough, and to go to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging


10 thoughts on “The Gifts of Imperfection

  1. Ed McKeogh Ed McKeogh says:

    I ve readthan my fair share of self help literature, so I can assert with conviction that this is not a self help book Instead, it s a revelation book Each chapter triggered numerous ah Ha moments for me, because Dr Brown goes a step or two, or five beyond the common way of looking at or framing an issue to reveal the interconnectedness of elements that stall or sabotage our efforts to live asatisfying life Instead of the that doesn t quite resonate vibe I often get from I ve readthan my fair share of self help literature, so I can assert with conviction that this is not a self help book Instead, it s a revelation book Each chapter triggered numerous ah Ha moments for me, because Dr Brown goes a step or two, or five beyond the common way of looking at or framing an issue to reveal the interconnectedness of elements that stall or sabotage our efforts to live asatisfying life Instead of the that doesn t quite resonate vibe I often get from self help books, Dr Brown s perspectives ring true, and she re labels certain attitudes and experiences in a way that s both startling and, importantly, hopeful She gleans her insights from her research centered on living a wholehearted life, which grew out of her previous perhaps ongoing study of shame The results that Dr Brown presents in this slim, readable book are nothing short of fascinating, and they function not as a how to manual for quickly fixing an out of balance life, but as a set of powerful tools with which to cultivate a richer,fully engaged and connected life


  2. Bdalton Bdalton says:

    I read this book after watching Brown s TED talk on vulnerability The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work The talk was intriguing and I wanted to knowAlso, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments.The question that I had in my mind was why was this shown at work Does Brown suggest that people should be vulnera I read this book after watching Brown s TED talk on vulnerability The TED talk was shown as the last exercise for a leadership class at work The talk was intriguing and I wanted to knowAlso, I noted that many of the comments regarding this fairly brief talk were often negative I found the talk inspiring so I wanted to see if there was any validity to the negative comments.The question that I had in my mind was why was this shown at work Does Brown suggest that people should be vulnerable with everyone or in a work place environment In order to be a leader, does she believe that it is necessary to be vulnerable Upon reading this book, I believe that Brown is asserting that it is necessary to be vulnerable, but only to those who are truly part of your support network On page 47 of the book, she writes Our stories are not meant for everyone Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share Who has earned the right to hear my story If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky If we have a friend, or a small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky She also says people with high levels of shame resilience reach out and share their stories with people they trust She also provides a little bit of information about her breakdown spirtual awakening and says During the breakdown, I needed help I needed support and handholding and advice Thank God Turning to my younger brother and sisters completely shifted our family dynamics I gained permission to fall apart and be imperfect, and they could share their strength and incredible wisdom with me So while Brown discusses the need to be able to receive help, she specifically says that is okay to be selective, and tells us that she selected her family to be her support network when she was facing a crisis.I was also curious how Brown defines authencity Brown, a struggling perfectionist, defines authenticity as the daily practice of letting go of who we think we re supposed to be and embracing who we are Embracing who we are means accepting that we are not perfect, loving ourselves for who we are, and seeking meaningful connection She talks about wholehearted living and says that people when overwhelmed, should DIG Deliberate in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, and stating their intentions be Inspired to make new and different choices, and get Going They should take action She also talks about the idea of judging whether or not another person is authentic and comes to the conclusion that this is not a trait that people have or don t have it is a practice of how we want to live She doesn t bridge the gap between others judgments of our authenticity and being truly authentic and discuss how there can be a disconnect.Brown covers a lot of different topics rapidly In her TED talk, she talks about being a researcher and a detail oriented kind of person, so I thought that I would findfactual information This book doesn t really have that but provides a good list of references in the back Instead, this is a good refresher to ideas that many of us already know and practice with a varying degree of success and persistence e.g., be mindful, seek connection, look for meaning, be grateful, experience joy But, sometimes we all need an inspiring reminder to live our lives fully, and this book satisfies that need


  3. Lara Lara says:

    You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts I m rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren t in reality So the book I m reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis In fact, as I was reading along yesterday yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time I thought to myself, This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf s talk at confere You may have noticed a theme in my last couple posts I m rundown, overwhelmed and I realize that, while my priorities are right in my head, they aren t in reality So the book I m reviewing today really came at a perfect time in my own personal crisis In fact, as I was reading along yesterday yes, I totally procrastinated reading it due to other books taking up my precious little reading time I thought to myself, This book could be companion material for President Uchtdorf s talk at conference I m making President Uchtdorf s talk my personal touchstone until I really get it, by the way Because I really don t get it yet I devoured this book, pen in hand, and marked up muchthan I usually do in any book Starting with the very first paragraph of the introductionWholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough It s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid but that doesn t change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging.Seriously, I sat there staring at that paragraph for a full ten minutes as I let it sink in How did the author know How did she know that I equate my full plate how much I get done in a day to my self worth How did she know how afraid I am to show my weaknesses especially the weaknesses I haven t fully embraced yet How did she know that I often don t feel loved Or that I don t feel like I really belong anywhere How did she know And it dawned on me that maybe we all feel like this to an extent And yet, I watch others and I am sure, absolutely sure, that they know something about living that I don t And maybe they domaybe they ve figured out the secret that it s okay to be imperfect But maybe they haven t.The Gifts of Imperfection Let Go of Who You Think You re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown is a book we all need to read I admit, that whole thing about Who I Am vs Who I Am Supposed to Be gets me every time I think it s a fine line between embracing things I shouldn t embrace and being okay with where I am right now I think that I should strive to be better, and maybe Who I Am is not good enough So, I admittedly bristled a bit at the subtitle there.But then, like I said, I read that first paragraph, and I realized it wasn t like that at all This is learning to let go of the unnecessary shame we carry around that says we don t measure up It doesn t mean we can t strive to become better In fact, I think if we can let go of the shame by embracing our imperfections, we will actually become better faster We will becomecourageous More compassionate More connected.The book is divided into 10 guideposts that can help us let go of unhealthy traits and embrace new, healthier ones I particularly need to re read Guidepost 7 Cultivating Play and Rest Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self Worth and Guidepost 9 Cultivating Meaningful Work Letting Go of Self Doubt and Supposed To because sitting in my inbox right now are three e mails that I really need to reply to And the reply needs to be No But you have absolutely no idea how much anxiety even the thought of telling somebody I can t do something gives me It s absolutely ridiculous I hadinsights into myself while reading this book than I have had in a really long time Shameful really But I will own my weaknesses You ll see.Starting right now


  4. Ann Lewis Ann Lewis says:

    I had to mark this as read to get if off my list Actually I had to abort the read Just could not relate to a word of it at all I feel like this author is speaking a different language I have a hard time believing anybody really CARES that much about what others think about them It s amazing to me A Whole book telling you it s OK if you re not who someone wants you to be I feel like saying GET A LIFE I also Really had trouble with the writing This author reminds us on almost every sing I had to mark this as read to get if off my list Actually I had to abort the read Just could not relate to a word of it at all I feel like this author is speaking a different language I have a hard time believing anybody really CARES that much about what others think about them It s amazing to me A Whole book telling you it s OK if you re not who someone wants you to be I feel like saying GET A LIFE I also Really had trouble with the writing This author reminds us on almost every single page about her vast research or of how professional she is I got about half way through and still did not find a single citation or any sort of documentation of Any research When someone says, I researched that and then does not show evidence of Any research, it s about as valid as saying I found that online and so it must be true The author was way too busy telling us of all her accomplishments without ever telling us what Exactly She Did Couldn t read another page Had to abort Sorry Anyone out there want my copy Please take it.A favorite Goodreads quote You wouldn t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do Eleanor Roosevelt


  5. Dani (The Pluviophile Writer) Dani (The Pluviophile Writer) says:

    Update This book changed my life Dramatic as it sounds, it s true I wrote this on Bren s Facebook page Bren ,I ve just about finished your book The Gifts of Imperfection which I discovered after watching you speak on TED talks and I can honestly say that this book is helping me completely change my life I suffer ed from a condition called Dermatillomania and I ve tried everything from therapists, medication and herbal supplements to help manage Update This book changed my life Dramatic as it sounds, it s true I wrote this on Bren s Facebook page Bren ,I ve just about finished your book The Gifts of Imperfection which I discovered after watching you speak on TED talks and I can honestly say that this book is helping me completely change my life I suffer ed from a condition called Dermatillomania and I ve tried everything from therapists, medication and herbal supplements to help manage the condition While I have been able to make substantial progress with it I ultimately I have relapses which used to be extremely damaging to my confidence my emotional health and physical appearance I was my worst enemy and I could beat myself up relentlessly Everything that I was doing wasn t helping me deter the triggers which caused me to pick my skin and this book has made everything so clear to me I knew that I needed to be nicer to myself and change the expectations that I had for myself which all evolved around perfectionism but I had no idea how or even why I had these ideas and beliefs in the first place Your book has helped me feel worthy again and that the root of my beliefs wasn t because I was completely crazy or extremely mentally ill and for this I cannot thank you enough.I ve found that a lot of people who suffer from this disorder have no sense of self worth and are unable to practice self compassion I m on a few support groups on Facebook and I ve done nothing but praise your book and push people within the group to read it I ve learned that no amount of medication or even therapy can change your inner thoughts, or gremlins as you term it, and that it does need to be practiced I ve be trying to tell those in my support group that beating themselves up has not worked thus far so it s time for them to try another tactic Practicing compassion for themselves While I know that I cannot completely rid myself of my condition I do know that I can control how I feel about it and how I treat myself in regards to it with the help of your work I will continue to spread your work through the Dermatillomania community in hopes that your teachings will spread faster than the negative ones that currently occupy that space and help sufferers liveWholehearted lives Thank you Truly Sincerely,Danielle I saw Bren Brown talk on TED talks and she really spoke to me I had to hearof what she had to say I m a struggling perfectionist who doesn t want to feel vulnerable or weak and I want to know how to accept these feelings into my life so that I don t feel frustrated and angry about them Looking forward to reading this book


  6. Anna Anna says:

    I really like Brene Brown she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life But I can t help it I hoped for a littleperfectionism in the writing and structuring of the book as a whole which could have used another round or two of e I really like Brene Brown she gave a terrific and funny TED talk about her research concerning the importance of vulnerability, of imperfection, of failure, and so I read her book I think her thesis is superb, her research about shame and wholeheartedness really interesting, and the message of the book necessary to modern life But I can t help it I hoped for a littleperfectionism in the writing and structuring of the book as a whole which could have used another round or two of editing I m sorry, Brene Old habits die hard STILL, it is an important idea and worth reading.Two other wishes 1 That she included us in the process of her research I d like to see some examples and learn better ordirectly how she drew her conclusions Call me a geek I like the science of it, and I think it would make for ainteresting read 2 I think she might enlarge her audience It felt to me as though the book were written for the privileged those employed in demanding dream jobs with financial stability and intact families Don t those down on their luck need help with turning failure into opportunity Not all of the book felt this way, but some of it did I also wasn t a fan of the religious element she seemed to enlarge the discussion for people of all faiths no faith and then in another part return to her own Perhaps this was not entirely bothersome as it is written from her point of view, in her voice, but these inclusions felt a little narrow and even shallow at times.And, one last thing I think a lot of self help books are written for the spa set I am not saying this book fits into that category entirely, but it feels like many do After all, many people can t afford to scale back and are working several jobs just to buy orange juice and gas just now And health insurance The cost of prescription drugs And, good God, the student loan And, foreclosures I read somewhere that the average income for a family of four is 40,000 Is that true If it is, And, of course, too, many people are out of work or have work that in no way represents who they are because they have to have a job So Sometimes I think these books are a little out of touch And, lack gratitude in fundamental ways financial stability, a job of one s dreams A roof over one s head The ability to protect feed use preventative care immunize etc and educate and nurture one s children Well So, I have said it And, perhaps it is unfair It is not wrong to also think about oneself and to grow in important ways, no matter one s circumstances But, one place that stood out to me in this text was a trip to the mall with her daughter, not having washed her hair and thrown it back with a headband I believe it was There are some sparkling, clean women there with their children, and her daughter begins to dance to the music as they do in their kitchen at home, as a family She decides not to allow the judgment of these women bother her and instead dances with her daughter to the music On the surface, sort of sweet Combatting the shame maybe being messed up and dancing in public while people at least appear to think you are nuts maybe they don t really and that is one s made up fantasy, who knows BUT I was thinking about another reader What about the shame vulnerability feelings of failure or imperfection of not being able to afford a pair of shoes for one s daughter And, apologizing to one s daughter walking by the women with shopping bags and children with new clothes Or, not being able to go to the mall at all Isn t it deeply fortunate to dance while shopping and return home with plenty or all one needs hair unwashed or not Still, I do think the central message of Brown s book is instructive and, as I said, important But I sometimes think these books lack a sense of perspective or proportion


  7. Clumsy Storyteller Clumsy Storyteller says:

    She makes it feel and seem so easy the main message here is Let go of your insecurities,expectations, shame, guilt, discomfort Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy, they are the ones who think of themselves as worthy of love you re IMPERFECT Embrace it Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had muchtim She makes it feel and seem so easy the main message here is Let go of your insecurities,expectations, shame, guilt, discomfort Happy people are happy because they make themselves happy, they are the ones who think of themselves as worthy of love you re IMPERFECT Embrace it Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had muchtime, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn t come with guarantees these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain But, I m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace i disagree feeling pain doesn t make you grateful or make you feel joy, it s hard to give EVERYTHING with no guarantee and nothing in return it sucks i loved most of this book but i disagreed with the author on some points, Great quick read i highly recommend


  8. Chris Chris says:

    So I m just going to be honest and vulnerable with you all I have issues with not being good enough, being vulnerable, and not being worthy because I m not what society says I should be However, with this book, which readslike an epiphany than a self help book, I m coming to realize that no one is perfect, and you know what That s ok The writing style is very conversational It s like you re sitting in a coffeeshop, talking over steaming cups of coffee The author does not talk down to So I m just going to be honest and vulnerable with you all I have issues with not being good enough, being vulnerable, and not being worthy because I m not what society says I should be However, with this book, which readslike an epiphany than a self help book, I m coming to realize that no one is perfect, and you know what That s ok The writing style is very conversational It s like you re sitting in a coffeeshop, talking over steaming cups of coffee The author does not talk down to the reader at all, and I find it refreshing that she shares so much of herself in this book and how she made this journey to being vulnerable and not being perfect I would definitely recommend


  9. Carmen Carmen says:

    This book is basically meaningless and worthless to me.Not due to any fault on Brown s part, but simply because I do not need or want self help books She seems to be focusing on a reader that is obsessed with her own flaws or who is a perfectionist and self hater I am none of these things.I just found the book extremely boring That being said, I did find two passages I liked Shame loses power when it is spoken.True Talking about what makes you a shameful person really frees you and often h This book is basically meaningless and worthless to me.Not due to any fault on Brown s part, but simply because I do not need or want self help books She seems to be focusing on a reader that is obsessed with her own flaws or who is a perfectionist and self hater I am none of these things.I just found the book extremely boring That being said, I did find two passages I liked Shame loses power when it is spoken.True Talking about what makes you a shameful person really frees you and often helps you see that you are not alone For example, research on the attributes that we associate with being feminine tells us that some of the most important qualities for women are thin, nice, and modest That means if women want to play it totally safe, we have to be willing to stay as small, quiet, and attractive as possible.When looking for the attributes associated with masculinity, the researchers identified these as important attributes for men emotional control, primacy of work, control over women, and pursuit of status That means if men want to play it safe, they need to stop feeling, start earning, and give up on meaningful connection.True


  10. Christy Christy says:

    4 starsAuthenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day It s about the choice to show up and be real The choice to be honest The choice to let our true selves be seen non fiction challenge