[ Read Pdf ] Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to OurselvesAuthor C. Terry Warner – Collateralloan.co

Life can be sweet Our relationships with friends, spouses, colleagues, and family members can be wonderfully rewarding They can also bring heartache, frustration, anxiety, and anger We all know the difference between times when we feel open, generous and at ease with people versus times when we are guarded, defensive, and on edge Why do we get trapped in negative emotions when it s clear that life is so much fuller and richer when we are free of them Bonds That Make Us Free is a ground breaking book that suggests the remedy for our troubling emotions by addressing their root causes You ll learn how, in ways we scarcely suspect, we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others How many times have you said, You re making me mad Even though we fear to admit this, it is good news If we produce these emotions, it falls within our power to stop them But we have to understand our part in them far better than we do, and that is what this remarkable book teaches Because the key is seeing truthfully, the book itself is therapeutic As you read and identify with the many true stories of people who have seen a transformation in their lives, you will find yourself reflecting with fresh honesty upon your relationships This will bond you to others in love and respect and lift you out of the negative thoughts and feelings that have held you captive You will feel your heart changing even as you read It would not be accurate to describe this book as supplying the truths upon which we must build our lives, writes author C Terry Warner Instead it shows how we can put ourselves in that receptive, honest, and discerning condition that will enable us, any of us, to find these truths on our own Finding these truths is the key to healing our relationships and coming to ourselves, and Bonds That Make Us Free starts us on that great journey This book is SO heavy, SO wonderful, but SO heavy I cried and cried and cried when I read this book, because I always what to be So much better than I am and this book really HIT me in the face with a lot of things that I do incorrectly in relationships and when I read it I was just so hard on myself that I knew it would be good for me to read again when I felt a little better about myself It is also hard to read and then observe people not taking responsibility for their actions and feelings This book is SO heavy, SO wonderful, but SO heavy I cried and cried and cried when I read this book, because I always what to be So much better than I am and this book really HIT me in the face with a lot of things that I do incorrectly in relationships and when I read it I was just so hard on myself that I knew it would be good for me to read again when I felt a little better about myself It is also hard to read and then observe people not taking responsibility for their actions and feelings because you want to point it out to them and you know how people enjoy having you point out things like that to them I really think that this book helps people look at themselves in a deeper way It is one that I feel I should attempt to read every couple of years This book has some very interesting and groundbreaking ideas if you haven t encountered them elsewhere As the back text says, it presents the idea that we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others And it s not wrong From a certain perspective, that s very true, and from that same perspective it is indeed within our power to stop them I think everyone should at least be exposed to these ideas, because they can be incredibly useful to impro This book has some very interesting and groundbreaking ideas if you haven t encountered them elsewhere As the back text says, it presents the idea that we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others And it s not wrong From a certain perspective, that s very true, and from that same perspective it is indeed within our power to stop them I think everyone should at least be exposed to these ideas, because they can be incredibly useful to improve one s own life.The author even presents examples and descriptions, so you can know if his advice applies to you, if you identify with the many true stories of people who have seen a transformation in their lives This is helpful if you are self aware enough to recognize you are identifying with what the author says and honest enough to admit it.I have two problems with this book One is that the advice is narrower in scope than the author would like to believe Don t get me wrong, it can be incredibly useful there are many cases where, if you are angry, or hurt, or jealous, etc it isbecause of you than anyone else and you can change your life powerfully by opening yourself up and loving and appreciating others for who they are However, there are cases where that isn t the problem, and while the author grudgingly admits abuse isn t the victim s fault, in general he insists that if you don t think his advice applies to your situation, then you are simply blind and need to realize that it does he feels the applicability of his advice is nearly universal I think there is space for people who hurt but don t hate, and who love but don t express it in unhealthy ways, and it s not helpful to tell those people that their problems are their own fault and they re just not recognizing it when they are not in fact feeling jealousy, envy, or insecurity Maybe I m just naive in thinking there are people like that, to whom the advice doesn t apply However, I can think of another case where the advice doesn t apply that I don t remember the author addressing mental illness.The other problem I have with the book is that, as an engineer, it s too much a proof of concept , where it is expressed as something that can work if everything happens correctly, but not as something that can reliably work if not all the conditions are right The author has spent a lot of time working on this, developing the idea, giving seminars, and yet has no advice for how to achieve his described nirvana if things don t work the way he says The only advice is to keep trying, in perpetuity if need be The example he uses took 5 years to work out It would have beenconvincing if the author had included failure stories, where things didn t work out, and if he d had some idea why.Other than a need to better define the situations in which this advice applies and to provide some support for making it work in non optimal situations, the advice here is good and powerful and a lot of people s lives would be better off if they learned these ideas Life Changing Book I ve read it twice and as soon as I get my lent copy back, I m going to read it again It s a book that peels the blinders off our eyes so we see our true motivations for what they really are in order to be better afterward A bit of a painful read I m attached to some of my delusions about myself , but it s been life changing and very rewarding in my relations, familial and friend Read it Another book in my never ending quest to improve my communication and relationship skills When it is good, it is very, very good, but when it is bad it is horrid And by horrid I mean too over simplified for my liking.Very good insights on how easy it is to blind ourselves to our own wrongdoing by pointing to the wrongdoing of others I like these two quotes The fable is that our accusing, self excusing feelings such as anger, frustration, bitterness, self pity and so on are signals that we ar Another book in my never ending quest to improve my communication and relationship skills When it is good, it is very, very good, but when it is bad it is horrid And by horrid I mean too over simplified for my liking.Very good insights on how easy it is to blind ourselves to our own wrongdoing by pointing to the wrongdoing of others I like these two quotes The fable is that our accusing, self excusing feelings such as anger, frustration, bitterness, self pity and so on are signals that we are in the right The fact is, such feelings are signals that we are in the wrong Understanding self betrayal and self victimization can soften our accusations of others, open us to acceptance of their efforts, and enable us to let go of our accusing attitudes and emotions The author suggest that we find ourselves feeling accusatory and blaming others, we should always ask ourselves Might I be in the wrong and What is the right thing to do There is a whole lotabout HOW to do that All of this is well and good Very applicable skills for use in everyday life and relationships for sure My family is already benefitting from my improved attitude and efforts to abandon blaming and to beaware of my part in any negative collusions we might have going on around here.What bothered me was some of the stories he used to illustrate his point I thought he went too far when he used stories where someone who was the victim of verbal abuse and even sexual abuse and then suggested that those people needed to repent of their unforgiving feelings about what had happened and even ask their abusers to forgive them for those feelings I am not a psychiatrist, but I think that there s a whole lotto it than that Some of the examples really stunk, and even took away power from the ideas the book was suggesting we adopt I MADE myself finish this book Because the good ideas were so helpful to me, I made myself gut through the parts I disagreed with I recommend this book to anyone who has ever been in any relationship It will change the way you view the world, yourself, and every one of your relationships It s genius. I dare you to read this book and not be changed There were a few points I disagreed with such as his unique views on abuser abused forgiveness However, that is a small flaw in a very insightful book. Why only 2 stars It was an easy read and worth the time However, it was not super original The main point is about self deception When you do not get along with another person, you are deceiving yourself etc You can feel better if you treat people with love, and others will respond well The book can be summed up with, forgive others and think of them positively especially when you are cheezed off or hurt because of them Additionally it gives some advice that I disagree with Why only 2 stars It was an easy read and worth the time However, it was not super original The main point is about self deception When you do not get along with another person, you are deceiving yourself etc You can feel better if you treat people with love, and others will respond well The book can be summed up with, forgive others and think of them positively especially when you are cheezed off or hurt because of them Additionally it gives some advice that I disagree with However, the book is full of generally sound advice for people looking on ways to live in harmony with others, especially their family members Remember, 2 stars is not a bad rating, I just do not like it as much as the 3 star books I did not think it was as good as Seven Covey but he makes some good points Can I give this book six stars Seven Hands down, the best self help book I have ever read I hate to even put it in the self help category, because it sounds entirely too trite for what this this book is really about At the very least, I would say it slike a how to manual for life My friend Stephanie gave it to me years ago, and while I started it, I never finished I just wasn t in a place that I got it But now I am reading it for the second time, this time taking notes Honest Can I give this book six stars Seven Hands down, the best self help book I have ever read I hate to even put it in the self help category, because it sounds entirely too trite for what this this book is really about At the very least, I would say it slike a how to manual for life My friend Stephanie gave it to me years ago, and while I started it, I never finished I just wasn t in a place that I got it But now I am reading it for the second time, this time taking notes Honestly, I feel like I ve never read anything that resonated with me so much Every page felt like a new adventure, every paragraph absolutely filled with insight and new understanding I feel like my eyes have opened for the first time and I see every relationship in my life differently Now if I can just be humble enough to apply it In terms of being inspired to be a better person, the only book better than this for me, at least is To Kill a Mockingbird If you have ever yearned to be just like Atticus Finch, this is the how to book to make that happen Even in moments when I might not have wanted to hear it, the raw truth contained in the principles, the stories, and the inspiring invitations hit home with such clarity that I could hardly keep from letting go of any bonds of resentment I have ever had, and replace them w In terms of being inspired to be a better person, the only book better than this for me, at least is To Kill a Mockingbird If you have ever yearned to be just like Atticus Finch, this is the how to book to make that happen Even in moments when I might not have wanted to hear it, the raw truth contained in the principles, the stories, and the inspiring invitations hit home with such clarity that I could hardly keep from letting go of any bonds of resentment I have ever had, and replace them with empathy, forgiveness, and unconditional love